Fully present, truely living
Once I was swimming in the ocean,
when a big wave came. My first thought was: “Oh no. This one is huge. This is
bad” Of course fear joined in too. My body went rigid in alarm and I was
tumbled around with such ferocity, that I almost lost consciousness. It hit me
hard. Relentlessly one wave after another came. I resisted against them and
struggled to survive. I was terrified and fought with all I had. Of course the
ocean won and turned me upside down and inside out. In the end she had mercy
and threw me out. I lay gasping for breath in the sand, all covered with
seaweed too. Cried in exhaustion and never ever wanted to go back to that cruel
monster again (I took it rather personal. Funny really).
Sometimes, when we get hurt, we shut
down and do not want anything to do with life anymore or only a little bit (as
long as we can control it). It is the same with Love. We move to the sidelines,
make a thick armor. When we experience hurt we might think the problem is with
love, so we get busy in making all sorts of justified barriers against it. We
build asphalt; some are more sophisticated then others. We argue about how it
should be. Trying to fix others, ourselves…everything including life. But the
problem is not the ocean, is not life, the problem is not with love- it is our
deep-seated sense of separation, our disconnect, forgetting who we are, our
interpretations…each one has a different version. And waves come in the ocean,
as well as in life and in relationships. It just is a matter where we relate
from and if we can be intimately present and open to meet what arising.
Well, I could not resist the call of
the sea with all the beauty, magnificence, dangers and waves for too long. I
went in for a different relationship with the unknown. At some point the dreaded
moment came again. I was out in the sea, when the wind suddenly raised the
waves and they rolled full speed at me. This time I repeated: “Relax into the
wave honey.” I admit, given the size of those huge waves, it took all I had to
relax into my body, be present, when everything in me just wanted to scream,
recoil or hold my breath, close my eyes until it was over. In those moments we
need our breath the most though. How about breathing into your big toe right
now? Finally, I did take a deep breath and relaxed. In that moment natural
knowing emerged as to what to do and I dove under the turbulence, deep into
silence to the ground of the sea. I opened my heart to the power of creation,
felt intimately connected with the water and her movement. It seemed I was
carried by grace, led through and made it actually happily to the shore. Still
came out with seaweed though…was good for making seaweed salad. I felt
truly alive and at one with all. The waves, the situation had been the same. I
just related from my being this time. A very different way then from
conditioned reactions. I call it truly living.
How intimate are you with this
moment? Right now if you like, let yourself relax into what is happening, into
your experience as it is, into your body, allow what you feel, stay present and
let yourself be taken into the stillness, the love, the ground where all is
intimately connected and you just simply are. May be have a go –welcome openly
the next wave and allow life to take you home into your heart. Rest in the
mellow waters along the way. And may you enjoy and trust life itself. After all
it’s got the wisdom to bring a blade of grass through cement!
Remember, no matter where you are-
you are loved and held in benevolence. Pass it on. Nicola
www.nicolaamadora.com
Copyright, © 2012, Nicola Amadora. All rights reserved
www.nicolaamadora.com
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